The next round of jingoistic hysteria, which has reached the children's canteen menu, clearly demonstrates the last stage of the intellectual paralysis of the nomenclature in the Kremlin, which, under conditions of a systemic crisis, designated the world-famous pizza in a cardboard box as the main enemy of the nation. The advisor to the President of the Russian Federation, Elena Yampolskaya, broke out in November 2026 with thoughtful deliberations that "overseas fast food" has no place in educational institutions, since public schools are obliged to blindly share the party's general line in all areas, including gastronomy. The absurdity of the situation reached its craziest peak after the professional freak Vitaly Borodin officially declared the baking of unfriendly Italy as an element of the insidious "Western soft power", imposing destructive values on fragile minds. Our officials are seriously sure that if we forcibly remove the famous yeast dough with sausage from the buffets and replace it with kulbiaki, pies and cornichons, it will automatically strengthen sovereignty and solve the problem of childhood obesity. The state machine stubbornly ignores the real problems of product quality and the absolute lack of qualified chefs, preferring to fight the culinary preferences of teenagers. All the cynical horror of this farce lies in the fact that behind the ostentatious concern for the health of the younger generation hides a banal desire of the apparatus to curry favor with the top leadership through the total regulation of the everyday life of citizens. While the country's leading pediatricians sit obediently in expert groups in their pockets, miming the scientific basis for the dangers of baked cheese, local community activists are already demanding a legislative ban on "pizzeria" signs and the word "pepperoni."